While recovering from a nasty case of COVID which has compromised my lungs the past few weeks, I’ve had a lot of time to rest and reflect.  I’ve literally been in the inner sanctum of my home for five weeks, venturing out only for occasional short walks or to go to the doctor’s office.

During this time, I’ve been thinking a lot about what drives me and about my source of power.  Is it my ego, or is it my soul?

And I’m learning how to understand the difference.  I’m one of those people who feels most days like I’m either being shot out of a cannon doing my work in the corporate world coaching and facilitating, or sequestered in my cave, attending to my spirit.  I’m always searching for the throughline between the two-seeking to bring the love and wisdom of the Divine in everything I do, but often allowing the ego to take control in those times I’m not as mindful.

Two days ago, I had a zoom call with my spiritual director with whom I’ve been blessed to speak with once a month for twenty-six years since she mentored me when I trained as a spiritual director.  Towards the middle of our call, she made an observation.  She said, “I’ve never heard your physical voice weaker than it is today, or your soul voice any stronger.”

She asked me to stop and go inside and name the qualities of my soul voice.  These are the words I shared with her that now come to mind…clarity, grace, mercy, kindness, inspiration, compassion, courage, authenticity, hope, and strength, to name a few.  As I continued with my list, she later told me that a question came to mind for her which was, “What enables your soul power to be accessed?” As she was thinking that question to herself, she said I was speaking these words, “rest, beauty, presence, peace, support.”

What I came to understand through our conversation this week is that my body, soul, spirit, and mind are in a time of integration and reset.  I’m in the midst of one of those “not my will but thy will” kinds of moments I’ve cycled through many times over the course of my life.

I yearn for my soul voice to lead my life, to be my true source of power, not my ego.  And I am in a place of letting go to allow what’s next to come.

So I’m asking myself a question each day which I’ll offer you to reflect on as well if it’s helpful.

“What do I need to do (or be) to listen more deeply to my soul voice today and less to the voice of my ego?”

How do you know when you’re operating from soul power versus ego power? I’d love to hear what you learn should you decide to join me on this quest.